Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!

I was having lunch with my best friend today when we decided to nip outside and enjoy a quiet cigarette together. We noticed that there were several brightly coloured (I'm actually fairly certain the were a lovely shade of Aqua that I immediately wanted to vomit onto, so offensive that colour was to my oh so sensitive eye holes) coffee tins that I could only assume were being used as makeshift ashtrays/cigarette disposal units. One of these tins were strategically placed next to a childs playground in the shade.

Now, for those of you who don't know what the climate is like in North Queensland, temperatures range from "Hot" to "Fucking Hot" to "Jesus Christ I'm Melting", so seeing an ashtray in the shade was a pleasant surprise. It was also the required 4 metres from the entry way, so we were pretty impressed. We immediately headed to said cigarette disposal unit and began happily puffing away and chatting.

It's at this point in the story that I should probably mention that the playground is empty. A barron wasteland of colourful plastic and slippery dips. The grass is brown and looks more like hay than, well, grass. It's THAT dead. No self respecting child would ever be seen rocking out in this plastic jungle. In fact, I'm pretty sure most of them were playing the poker machines, so classy were the people dining around us.

ANYway, there we were, smoking away and having a chat. I don't think anyone walked past us at all during the first 5 or so minutes we were standing there. Then the doors opened and this haggard blonde woman with so much make up on my jaw literally dropped. She was all crow's feet and shame this one. Probably had some of her bright pink Solly's branded lipstick on her teeth too, but I wasn't paying that much attention. To be honest, I was more preoccupied with the sheer amount of slap on her face. It looked like it had been applied with one of those things Katie's brother uses to apply plaster to walls. I forget what they're called, but one of those.

Then she spoke. I think she was attempting to speak to us in one of those teacher like sing-song voices, but all I heard was something akin to nails on a chalk board. She informed us in said brain exploding voice that we could be "heavily fined for smoking so close to a children's play area" (don't forget, said area is deserted) to which I replied "But why is there an ashtray there?" at around the same time Katie said "Well, where are we supposed to go". Queue blank stare and vague finger pointing in the general vacinity of the main street.

We moved along, being the polite citizens that we are, all the while pondering why more people aren't thinking of the children. Seriously, those poor and obviously invisible kiddies could have gotten lung cancer from our stupidity. I was tempted to mention something to the 10 year old sipping a rum and coke at the jaws poker machine, but thought it would be pushing my luck.