Unfortunately, I did not do any research regarding this series before I wasted my $30. I had heard through friends that this book was "amazing", and "controversial". There had also been news stories about it, so I thought "What the hell...I'll give it a go" and purchased all 3 books while they were on sale.
Now, if I had looked into it first, I would have found that this series began as Twilight fan fiction. I also would have found out that I could read it on the internet. For free. If I had the sense to read the first 4 or so pages at the book store, I would not have wasted my money. But that's not what pisses me off about this series. What really shits me is the author's (and I use that term loosely...) blatant disregard for the English Language.
An example: "I didn't know I could sex in my sleep"
This is a DIRECT QUOTE from the book.
Another example: (in reference to being tired) "That would be all the sexing"
WHAT THE FUCK?! Any book that uses "sexing" as a legitimate replacement for intercourse needs to be burnt.
Final example: "He ran his hand over my stomach and down to my sex"
Terrible. It's called a fucking vagina. Or cunt. ANYTHING. Just not "my sex" or "down there". What are we? 12? If you're going to write smut, at least have the decency to do it properly. It was like reading "Peterotica" - You know, those lame, yet hilarious erotic books that Peter Griffin wrote on Family Guy? Yeah. 3 500 page books like that, only they aren't hilarious. Just lame. Actually, Seth Macfarlaine should consider a lawsuit, that's how similar they are.
I honestly expected to come across the line "And then he sexed me", but alas, it was not to be. Four pages in, I was ready to hurl it against the wall. Before you all get bent out of shape and scream "BUT YOU DIDN'T READ ALL THREE LOL!!11", Yes. Yes, I did read all 3. I assure you that it was purely out of stubborn fury. I spent the $30, so I was going to fucking finish them. I can honestly say, that I have never been so angry at a series of books in my life. If you're interested, I did throw them against the wall in a fit of rage once I had finished them. I've since given them away, because honestly, just looking at them made me seethe.
There are many other atrocious grammatical errors that make reading this "book" so painful. Every time my eyes ran over a spelling or grammatical error, it was like hearing someone speak with a lisp...or a stutter. It reminded me of reading the diary of a 12 year old girl - which is disturbing, given the content.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude. I have absolutely no issue with the content (aside from the fact that it is not an accurate portrayal of BDSM, bondage, etc etc). My issue is purely with the way the book is written. The story line? Terrible and full of holes. The characters? Terrible and poorly developed. The concept? Terrible. The writing structure? Fucking terrible. People keep telling me how well written this series is, and when I dispute that, they tell me that their favourite "author" has a degree in English Literature.
No. She. Doesn't. The character in her series does, but that's about it
E. L James is a TV Executive from England - so I guess you all got the "English" part right. She also published a version of this series on fanfiction.com as Twilight fanfic under the name "Snowqueens Icedragon". The only thing mentioned about a Tertiary education is that she "read History at the University of Kent". Her writing career did not begin until 2009, when stories based around Twilight hit the Internet. Good on her for making her dream come true, but if you're going to question what I know, at least know the background of the person you are so passionately defending.
No. She. Doesn't. The character in her series does, but that's about it
E. L James is a TV Executive from England - so I guess you all got the "English" part right. She also published a version of this series on fanfiction.com as Twilight fanfic under the name "Snowqueens Icedragon". The only thing mentioned about a Tertiary education is that she "read History at the University of Kent". Her writing career did not begin until 2009, when stories based around Twilight hit the Internet. Good on her for making her dream come true, but if you're going to question what I know, at least know the background of the person you are so passionately defending.
And now, they're making the books into movies. Seriously, just screen a porno under that title and save yourselves the money, film studios. Actually, that's not a half bad idea. I'm pretty sure most porn stories are better developed than this tripe. I did hear a rumour that Bret Easton Ellis (the guy that wrote American Psycho) had expressed interest in writing the screenplay for 50 Shades. I sincerely hope not, but if it does happen, I would be interested in seeing it. I wouldn't pay though. Sorry Bret.
I also heard that fans want Christian Bale to play "50 Shades". This makes me sad. However, if Ellis was to write the screenplay (Christian Bale played Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, for those of you who don't know), it could work.
I purchased these books with high expectations. I was hoping for something brilliant - like "Catcher in the Rye" or "Less than Zero". What I got was 3 books of the same, repetitive nonsense. It was thoroughly unoriginal, uninteresting and incredibly difficult to read.
Save your pennies, ladies. There is far better smut on the internet. And it's FREE.
I won't even give this piece of shit series a rating. That's how bad it is. Seriously, don't waste your money.
PS - Yes, I am aware that my blog is probably full of grammatical errors. However, THIS IS A BLOG, NOT A PUBLISHED NOVEL. Don't get butt-hurt over it.
